He thinks he's a lap dog

So I got a pitbull. His name is Duke and hes about four months old now, been with us since mid-November. And I need to talk about something because I genuinely did not expect this.

This dog thinks hes a lap dog. Like, fully believes it. Hes 65 pounds—I weighed him at the vet last week—and every single night he climbs onto my lap like hes a chihuahua or something. Just plops his entire body on me and sighs like hes had the hardest day. Sir you did nothing today. You ate, you napped, you chewed on your toy. But okay.

I read somewhere that pitbulls are 'velcro dogs' before I got him, and I thought oh thats cute, he'll want to be near me. No. What they mean is he will be ON me at all times. If Im on the couch hes on the couch. If I go to the bathroom he waits outside the door. If I get up to get water he follows me to the kitchen and then back to the couch. Its like having a very muscular shadow.

The thing is though, I kinda love it? Like my legs go numb after about 20 minutes because hes heavy and he generates so much body heat. But theres something about this big blocky head looking up at you with those eyes. He does this thing where he sighs really deeply when hes comfortable, like hes finally at peace. And honestly same Duke, same.

My girlfriend thinks its hilarious. She takes pictures of me trapped under him while he sleeps. I cant move because I dont want to wake him up. Shes like 'just push him off' but have you seen his face when hes sleeping?? I cant do that to him. His little paws twitch sometimes like hes dreaming about running and its the cutest thing. I just sit there watching him sleep like a weirdo.

The other thing nobody warned me about is how warm pitbulls are. Like body heat wise. Its winter right now so honestly its kind of nice but I cannot imagine summer with this dog on my lap. I might actually melt. Hes basically a 65 pound heating pad that snores.

Speaking of snoring. This dog snores louder than my dad. No joke. When hes really passed out its like a chainsaw. My girlfriend has started wearing earplugs some nights because he sleeps in our room and once hes out he is OUT. With full sound effects.

I did not expect to become this person. The person whos entire evening is built around not disturbing the dog. But here I am, typing this on my phone because my laptop is across the room and I cant get up. Duke is asleep on my lap. My left leg fell asleep twenty minutes ago. I have to pee.

But look at his face.

Anyway thats where we're at. Day 16 with Duke and my circulation is questionable but my heart is full or whatever. Hes snoring on me right now actually. This is fine.