He's just everything

Its been about a month now. One month with Duke. And I've been sitting here tonight with him on my lap—yes still on my lap, my legs are still going numb every night, nothing has changed—thinking about how different things are.

I remember the first night we brought him home. He was so small, well smaller than now, and he curled up at the foot of the bed and I thought okay this is nice, hes gonna sleep there. That lasted maybe an hour before he was pressed against my side. And hes been there ever since. Velcro dog. My shadow. My 65 pound shadow who thinks hes a chihuahua.

A month ago I didnt know what a pittie smile was. Now I see it every day. That wide mouth, tongue out, eyes all happy. He does it when I come home from work, when I pick up his leash, when I open the treat bag. Its the best thing. I have like 200 photos on my phone of just his face.

The walks are still hard sometimes. People still cross the street, still pull their kids away, still look at us like we're dangerous. But we also have our regulars now—the old guy who always stops to say hi, a woman with a golden retriever that Duke is obsessed with, a kid on our block who waves at us every time. Its not all bad. Its just... mixed. Were figuring it out.

And the training! He left a chicken wing. On the sidewalk. I'm still not over it. All those frustrating sessions where he ignored me, all the times I wondered if anything was getting through, and then he just did it. He looked at me and chose to listen. Thats the thing about Duke—hes stubborn as hell but when it clicks, it clicks. We still have a long way to go with the squirrel thing but. Baby steps.

Hes snoring right now. That heavy pitbull snore that sounds like a chainsaw. Hes warm and solid and his head is on my arm in a way that means I cant move. Tomorrow well do the whole thing again—the walks, the training, probably some zoomies, definitely some farts. And Ill probably complain about my numb legs and the lamp hell knock over.

But I wouldn't change it. People look at him and see a pitbull, see something to be scared of. I look at him and see the dog who won over my grandma in three hours, who leaves chicken wings for me, who cant sleep unless hes touching me. The dog who waits outside the bathroom door. The dog who sighs when hes comfortable like he finally found where he belongs.

Hes just... everything. I dont know how else to say it.

Anyway. My legs are asleep. Been asleep for probably twenty minutes now. Gonna try to extract myself without waking him up. Wish me luck.

Thanks for following along. More updates to come I'm sure. This is just the beginning.